


The Past Haunts Me

by Kris_Von_Vanity_Hale



Category: Sterek - Fandom, Teen Wolf (TV), stiles/derek - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Mama Stilinski Feels, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-25
Updated: 2012-11-27
Packaged: 2017-11-19 11:50:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/572957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kris_Von_Vanity_Hale/pseuds/Kris_Von_Vanity_Hale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles is having a hard night thinking about his mom's death and turns to Derek for help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Panic and Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> this may have more than one chapter I don't know yet.

_‘It’s all you Stiles. You killed your mother.’_ Those words had repeated in his head since Lydia’s party. Stiles realized that seeing his dad say that to him was just a hallucination but it had felt so real. It was like his dad was admitting something he’d thought since the day it happened. Stiles missed his mom. There were moments where he wanted so bad to tell her something, like how amazing Derek had turned out to be, and then he’d realize she was gone. Some nights were worse than others. Tonight was one of those nights. Stiles sat up in bed causing the picture of him and his mom to fall to the side and buried his face in his hands. He knew it was coming. He’d learned the signs of a panic attack before it hit. He always had them on the bad nights. His heart started racing, then his hands would begin to shake, then he’d lose his breath. He tried to calm down, tried to think of something else. It soon became obvious that it was gonna happen no matter how bad he wished it away. He was grabbing his phone before he even realized it and was dialing Derek’s number. One ring….. two rings…. Three. Stiles was about to hang up when he heard Derek pick up.

“Stiles?” Stiles couldn’t think. He didn't want Derek to hang up. He had to calm his breathing so he could talk to Derek. “Stiles. I can hear you breathing, are you okay?” Stiles calmed down enough to say three words.

“Derek, need you.” It was quiet for a second then Stiles could hear the jingling of keys and then an engine start up

“I’m on my way. It’ll be ok. I’m driving as fast as I can. You still with me?” Stiles breathed into the phone. It was getting worse. “Ok, I can hear you. Just hang on, I'm coming. Almost there. Ok, I'm here I'll be up in a second.” Then the call ended. Stiles just dropped the phone and lied down. He could hear Derek coming up the stairs. The door opened, closed and Derek was at his side in less than a minute. “Stiles, I'm right here. It’s ok” Derek said gently placing his hand on Stiles’ back. “Please just breathe Stiles. Come on. Count for me. 1, 2….” Stiles counted with him. “Good just keep counting.” Derek said pulling Stiles to a sitting position and put Stiles’ back to his chest. Stiles was on the third round of counting when he felt Derek’s arms wrap around him. Just the feel of Derek’s arms around him helped. Stiles slowly turned and layed his head on Derek’s shoulder. Derek slowly ran his fingers through Stiles' hair. Stiles continued to count while Derek held him and talked to him. “It’s gonna be alright Stiles. I’m right here. I'm not moving until you tell me to.” He could hear Stiles’ heart racing. He could hear his breath shaking as he stopped counting and just started taking deep breaths. Derek had been there. He knew what Stiles needed more than anything right now. “Just let it out Stiles. It’s just me in here.” Derek tightened his hold on Stiles when he heard Stiles sigh and then quietly start to cry. Derek looked on the bed beside Stiles at a picture of a beautiful woman and a little kid. It became clear then what was wrong. Derek didn’t have to ask anymore, he understood. “You miss her, don’t you?” Stiles just nodded.

“So much.” Stiles said his voice shaking. Derek gently laid Stiles back onto the bed.

“Tell me about her.”

“She was so beautiful. I don’t have many memories of her because she died when I was young but Dad told me a little about her. She was an amazing cook. I remember every night she’d come in here and read and sing to me and tell me ‘Mama loves you sweet boy. When it feels like the whole world is against you, mama will always be here and mama will always love you.’ Then she’d kiss my head and sit with me till I fell asleep. I know it may seem crazy but there are some nights when I lie here and think about her and I can swear I smell her, or I hear her. And just for a moment it’s like she’s here again. Like my family is broken and she’s in the other bedroom with dad.” Stiles was no longer crying. He was smiling. He looked over at Derek who had lied down beside him while he was talking. “I’m sorry I know I kind of started rambling.” Derek shook his head and smiled,

“No, it’s ok. I wish I could have met her. She sounds like an amazing woman,” Derek pointed at the picture on the bed, “Is that her?” Stiles looked at the picture and smiled.

“Yeah, isn’t she beautiful?” Derek nodded. Hearing Stiles talk about his mom had made him think of his own. It had made him think of everyone he’d lost in the fire. Derek knew how hard life was when you lose someone. He knew it wasn’t easy. “Derek? How’d you know talking about it would help?” Derek half-smiled.

“I’ll tell you later. You need to go to sleep.” Stiles looked over at the clock beside his bed.

“It’s only 11. On a Saturday. But you probably should go back to Erica, Boyd, and Isaac.” Derek shook his head.

“They saw me leave they knew something was wrong they’ll call me if something happens.” Derek pulled Stiles to him. “Just go to sleep Stiles. I know crying makes you sleeping and that plus panic attack, you have to be exhausted.” About that time Derek’s phone went off. Derek rolled over and got up and went over to his jacket that had ended up on the floor earlier.

“Got to go now?” Derek looked at the screen for a second it read _'Is Stiles ok? We're really worried about our Pack Mama"_ , typed back " _Yeah, Stiles is ok. He had a panic attack. I'm staying here tonight to make sure he is ok. Boyd you're in charge."_  then returned the phone to the pocket of the jacket.

“No, it was just the betas. They are worried about you.”

“Why?”

“Like I said before they saw me leave so they were making sure you were ok. You're like their mom. They call you the pack mama.” Stiles laughed at that.

“Hey at least they like me. They could want to kill me. So I guess your dad and I'm mom huh?” Derek slightly laughed and said

“Ya, I guess so. You don’t mind do you?” Stiles shook his head.

“No, I don’t mind. I think it’s sweet.” Derek kissed Stiles head and sighed. He noticed that Stiles kept looking at the jacket on the floor.

“Stiles, relax. I’m not going anywhere. Not tonight anyways.”

“Sorry, I'm just tense, and I don’t want you to leave. When you’re here, it all seems okay again.” Derek rubbed his fingers up and down Stiles’ back.

“I can tell.” He said chuckling. “I’m right here Stiles. I’ll be here when you wake up. Just sleep now. ”

“When will you tell me about how you know so much about this kind of stuff?”

“Later.” Stiles knew he wasn’t getting much out of Derek now. He without thinking leaned up and kissed Derek on the cheek. Derek blinked and leaned up on his elbow. Part of Stiles panicked again causing his heart to race. Derek smiled and leaned down and kissed Stiles. Stiles ran his fingers through Derek’s hair. Derek softly bit his lip as they kissed. Stiles smiled as Derek started kissing him again. When he stopped, Stiles made his best pout face. Derek looked at him and laughed. “I’ll kiss you some more tomorrow. I promise if you go to sleep.”

“Ok, I'm going to sleep.” Derek kissed Stiles head once more and layed down beside him. Stiles moved over to him and layed his head over Derek’s heart. The steady thumping of Derek’s heart was a very calming sound. That was Stiles' last thought before he fell into a very deep sleep. “Goodnight Stiles. I love you.” Derek looked up at the picture of Stiles and his mom and smiled. “Night Mama Stilinski. I promise to take good care of him for you.” Derek knows pictures don’t move but for a split second he could have swore he saw her smile and at the same time he heard a woman’s voice say _“Thank you Derek.”_


	2. Don't Wanna Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek pretty much lives with Stiles. Derek hardly every sleep and when he does it's never good.

Derek pretty much moved in with Stiles after the panic attack. He was just too worried about him. He was worried Stiles would need him and not be able to get him on the phone or would be at school. So while Stiles was at school, Derek got the betas to watch Stiles. He had to keep Stiles safe. Derek was lying on Stiles’ bed staring at the clock. 4:30pm. Stiles should be home soon. Sure enough about five minutes later, Derek heard someone come through the front door and then he could hear Stiles talking and singing to himself as he went up the stairs. Stiles looked on the bed as he came into his room. That was where Derek was normally at when he got home.

“Hi Sour Wolf.” Stiles said smiling and dropping his things beside his desk.

“How was school?” Derek had stopped trying to get him to not calling him that. He had always liked the nickname so when he realized that no matter how much he tried, Stiles wasn’t going to stop calling him that, he just stopped saying anything.

“Fine, Erica and Isaac stared at me all day. It’s kinda creepy having two werewolves staring at you every time you look.” Stiles nervously laughed. He knew Derek was really worried about him but was the staring really necessary?

“Got any homework?” Stiles shook his head.

“But I do have to read a chapter of this book by tomorrow so that’s what I'm gonna do.” Stiles said taking off his jacket and sitting down in his desk chair. Derek loved watching Stiles read. He always looked so focused. Derek decided to take a nap. Since the panic attack, Derek hadn’t slept much. He mainly just watched Stiles sleep.

“Stiles?” Stiles turned his chair and slowly looked up at Derek. “Why don’t you read over here?” Stiles thought for a second. Why wasn’t he sitting over there with Derek? So he got up and walked to his bed and sat down placing his back onto the head board. Once Stiles seemed comfortable, Derek moved and layed his head on Stiles’ leg. Stiles looked down.

“You okay?” Derek nodded

“Yeah, I’m just tired.” Stiles nodded once and went back to reading. As he read, he started running his fingers through Derek’s hair. Derek sighed. He had never realized how much he liked people playing with his hair until Stiles started doing it one night as they layed in bed together. Derek hoped he could sleep well for once. He honestly couldn’t remember the last time he had a good night sleep. Stiles could tell when Derek fell asleep as he felt his whole body relaxed and his breathing slowed. Stiles couldn’t remember the last time he had actually seen Derek sleep. Stiles worried about Derek. He needed his sleep and Stiles couldn’t imagine how hard it was to lose almost every person you’ve ever loved in one accident. Stiles was on the last part of the chapter when he felt Derek’s whole body twitch. Stiles moved his hand from Derek’s hair to his shoulder and his back. Stiles finished the chapter and slowly leaned down and dropped the book to the floor. When he leaned back up, Stiles realized Derek’s body was steadily twitching now. He slowly started rubbing up and down Derek’s arm which seemed to calm him down a little. After a few minutes, his body started twitching again and he started whimpering. A part of Stiles wanted to wake him up but he was actually sleeping and he needed sleep so he didn't do anything.  He just continued to rub up and down his arm and quietly shhhed him. After a few more minutes, Derek started tossing and turning and started talking in his sleep. What he was saying broke Stiles’ heart.

“No, No, No.” Derek covered his ears in his sleep as he rocked from side to side and Stiles couldn’t take it anymore.

“Derek. Derek, wake up babe. Come on wake up.” Stiles said slowly shaking him more. When Derek finally woke up he jumped and looked up at Stiles. Stiles could see his hands shaking and could feel his heart pounding against his leg. “Sit up.” Stiles said pulling him up. Derek sat up and wrapped his arms around Stiles and held on tight. Stiles could hear how broken his breathing was. Stiles kissed the side of his head.

“What were you dreaming about?” Stiles said against Derek’s head. Derek looked at him for a minute then looked down. Stiles tilted Derek's head up and looked in his eyes. "Derek, you don't have to be the big tough Alpha with me."

“My family. I came home the day they died and hear them screaming. Laura wouldn’t let me go in to help them. I finally pulled away from her and went inside. She ended up pulling me out of the burning house after my leg got severely burned. It was so bad I still have a scar from it.” Derek said pulling up the leg of his sleep pants exposing a burn scar that was from his hip down almost to his knee. Stiles slowly reached out and touched it. Stiles looked up at Derek and saw tears running down his face. Stiles leaned up and rubbed his thumb over his cheek.

“It’s not your fault Derek. You did everything you could. You tried to help them.” Derek looks down and Stiles leaned his head up and kissed him. “Derek, you can’t blame yourself for their death baby.”

“Stiles, you don’t understand! I was dating Kate! I was the reason she knew where we lived! I got my whole family killed! You weren’t there you didn't hear them screaming in pain as they slowly burned to death. You don’t have to live with their screams in your head. I wish I could tell my mom how sorry I am. If I could take it back I would in heart beat. I never meant for it to happen.” Derek’s face was red from anger and tears. It broke Stiles' heart seeing Derek this broken. Stiles didn't know what to do so he just hugged him.

“Shh, it's alright Derek. Just let it go. I'm right here.” Stiles couldn’t tell if Derek was on the verge of having another panic attack or was just crying hard.

“Why is it so hard to breathe? Stiles?” Derek looked up from his shaking hands at Stiles. Stiles could see the fear in Derek’s eyes. Stiles took one of Derek’s shaking hands in his and kissed it.

“It’s ok. Just keep talking to me. You’re fine. You’re having a panic attack.” Stiles said pulling him to him. Derek held him tight and buried his head into Stiles shoulder. Stiles rubbed his back.

Derek started taking deep breaths again and leaned his head onto Stiles’.

“Thank you for being so understanding Stiles. It means a lot to me.” Stiles smiled

“Come on.” Stiles said leaning back onto the bed and covered them both up. Derek layed his head onto Stiles’ chest and sighed. “Go to sleep Derek. I'm alright. You need to sleep” Derek looked up at him and smiled.

“I love you Stiles.” Stiles smiled. That wasn’t something Derek said. It was even more amazing knowing Derek’s past.

“I love you too Derek.”


End file.
